It seems like an age has passed...

I attended the memorial service at Potters Bar. Jonael has been a friend of mine since we were 5, growing up together, playing, learning (we were is the same class at school), albeit as you can imagine, Jonael was a real challenge for any teacher! 18 months prior to the crash, my 21-year-old brother was killed after being hit by a car. I had many heated discussions on the matter, often feeling quite upset at Jonael’s enthusiasm with the path my brother had taken. I have since through these life changing events come to realize Jonael’s point, that a certain richness in how one lives life, and appreciates people often is taken for granted. I still miss Jonael sorely, his unbounding energy, explosive discussions, his guidance (which has often taken years to understand its wisdom), and above all the love of such a great friend.

Dear Matthias,

I remember you from the initial memorial service at Queens' chapel (are you the same Matthias?). You gave a beautiful speech about Jonael and I recall thinking then that you must be a very close friend, as your words seemed very true. I also attended the second memorial service at Queens' and the recent services at Potter's Bar. Nothing,however, seems to quench my thirst for hearing more about Jonael.I envy you greatly for having known him as a child. I can imagine what he might have been like!

What can one say to adequately express what an amazing character Jonael was? It is strange and amusing that many people first confronted with Jonael came away arrogantly thinking that his ideas were absurd and fantastic. However, some weeks, months, even years (depending upon the individual's intelligence and humility) later the truth seemed to dawn on them and their worlds turned upside down. Jonael's convictions have an indubitable internal logic and rationality. Anyone who truly understood his arguments would have found it hard to argue against them. Indeed, Jonael was often a little *too* wise for most of us.

I can fully appreciate your irritation at Jonael's optimism in the face of death. I too found this infuriating. Sometimes I felt that he was refusing to fight for valuable experiences which were complicated to attain in life, simply because everything would fall into place in the next life. Moreover, his view of suffering as a good thing, which 'knocks off the edges of emotional immaturity' was an especially bitter pill to swallow. Sometimes I feel that I understand, but most of the time the injustice of suffering wins out. I imagine this must be so for you Matthias - I cannot sympathise enough. How cruel and pointless life seems, when such things happen! But don't listen to my pessimism. I am not wise. Whatever Jonael said to you in intended consolation, is, I am sure, true and good.

Few people could have lived such a rich life by the age of twenty-five, as Jonael did. Supremely talented, intellectually refined, enviably energetic, personable and emotionally experienced... But most of all, he did love and in a way which not everyone today can love in. He loved selflessly, without egoistic expression or calculation. You seem to have been a very unlucky young man Matthias but Jonael obviously loved you and the love of Jonael should not be underestimated. Certainly you were blessed and, if you have any spiritual belief, continue to feel blessed , for nothing makes better sense than for Jonael to be an angel watching over you, guiding you and loving you still and always.

You've captured a spirit on a postcard; sad as the situation is, for a short moment, I broke into a broad smile at your description. I don't know whether that's appropriate or not, but I can think of at least one person who would have approved. Let nothing be in vain, perhaps, lest there be nothing left to live for. Thank you both.