tender relief, mixed feeling
Today was seminar day at the Institute where I work; as a ph.d. student, one is expected to present ones research, accomplishments, future plans and so on to all and sundry. It can be quite intense on the nerves, but it's out of the way now. I earned a distinction of sorts - in the form of a glass plaque engraved with our coat of arms and the title of the prize - but receiving it didn't feel good. I felt kind of wretched, in a fashion, guilty even; I simply don't like being singled out like that. It makes me feel like a con; I worked no harder than anyone else, certainly not enough to merit an accolade in any form. It's somewhat trivial a thing to be brought down by, perhaps even a little odd, and while I may feel different tomorrow, I feel pretty lousy about it right now... of course I'm grateful... stress makes us all a little funny; I am going to sleep very, very well tonight.
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I say: enjoy it and feel proud. Well done on doing well!
Accomplishment is nothing to be afraid of. Unless achieved by dubious means. :) Be proud.
Mmm, thank you both - I feel a little more adjusted this morning. Quite chipper, in fact. Cold milk and Kellogg's processed goodness does wonders for the meandering mind.
Mmmm, cold milk and cornflakes... Sorry, what were we talking about? Oh yeah. The prize.
You did well, you got compliments. Nothing wrong with that. I agree that mostly it makes you uncomfortable as you don't feel like being special, but sometimes we just are *better* than others. Let's face it.
While I realise that it's true, that's the kind of thing you might hear me saying as a joke; I guess that it can sometimes be hard to take yourself seriously, being easier, even, to try to find fault in other peoples' judgement than it is to accept that you might have done something well. Certain feelings - especially the somewhat irrational ones - are somewhat tricky to justify! But not right now; once again, I'm eating cornflakes: happiness ...mmm, cocopops are good too - which reminds me, I need to go to the supermarket. Time for a shower.