what life portends
I had a conversation with one of my closest schoolfriends on iChat just now - after a few minutes, he offered, "Have you heard about Andy?" My flippant response, "He's dead?" His reply, "Yes..."
Switching to my mobile, I learned that a former classmate and member of my dorm died last week as a result of heart failure; he was buried yesterday. We didn't much care for one another, but he was a decent bloke, by many accounts, and I'm sorry to have learned of this awful news.
This amounts to the third death from the leavers of 1998 - my year group - which is a pretty high number, considering it has only been five years since we left Harrow. Max, who used to make me laugh my guts out in maths lessons, was killed when he crashed his Land Rover into a tree, and David, who was mild-mannered and truly genuine a man, died a violent death that would seem more believable were it part of an adventure film. The impotence that death affords us is humbling.
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Sorry to hear about that.
This brings up the cruel dilemma, of course: to what extent should be live recklessly now, and drink and smoke and eat unhealthy food, as we might die from any kind of accidental reason tomorrow, or should we live ultra healthily to live longer because if we don't we'll die younger anyway, and we'll be annoyed with ourselves for not having lived more healthily? Or is it possible to train yourself to enjoy living a healthy lifestyle more than an unhealthy one anyway? (It sounds like you do that, Stairs.)
Think I'll have a quick ciggie and a pint while I consider that one.
I guess that I do and, as may be true for many, it doesn't feel like I'm controlling myself; it comes naturally now, and makes me feel good anyhow, which is of course why I do it.
Plus it gives me licence to crazy things without feeling guilty - this usually applies to food, like eating two giant chocolate muffins a day, or massive meals and everyone else's leftovers, or better yet, feeding my habit for chocolate digestives - I've eaten two large packets in two hours on a number of occasions previously, amounting to 3700 calories, this in addition to my normal food intake. Disgusting, eh? The recommended daily intake for a medium-sized bloke is roughly 2500 calories per day. Oh, apparently four of these biscuits is equivalent to a burger from Burger King. Crap - dietary rethink in progress.
My roundabout response, in essence, is that you should find a point of balance at which you are most happy and comfortable, and while, no, because life is unpredictable, I plan to live it like I'm going to live forever, as in my mind, that is the healthiest way of thinking - for me.
You're right, of course - I'm just trying to make excuses for my own bad habits! Maybe I should put the same energy into changing them and my approach to health. Right, a big re-think to start this September!
Trust me to log on to this blog with this post about digestives and death when I'm down with a flu and in imminent danger of losing my lunch. Excuse me while I go throw up.
A speedy recovery to you; stay away from the durian!