the Daily Grind: July 2004 Archives

Come September, I'll finally be booted from my college room after three good years of spacious, slightly subsidised living, which means that I'm having to house hunt. I haven't done this in a long while, and I'd certainly forgotten how stressful it was, especially when you find something which isn't at all bad, but get the feeling that if you wait a little longer, you might yet find something better - at the risk of losing what you've already found, of course.

My rent is paid in advance to the end of September, as is college custom in the summer, and so far, I've found two places that are worth chasing up.

The first, £250.00 all inclusive per month, a large room, double bed with space yet to swing a cat in, in need of a coat of paint and masking of grandmotherly furniture. The common areas are a little grim, but at that price, there would be a little more money for food and future rent, and heck, luxuries (The cinema! Books! Broadband! New underwear! ). Available late August, to share with a foreign student and a fat Santa Claus who doesn't wear a shirt on warm days.

The second, up to £370 all inclusive per month, also a large room, single bed and pretty modern with pristine walls and carpet, furniture, broadband, a comfortable living room and kitchen with parquet and tile floors, a garden and four housemates (lawyers and engineering students). Available from August 1st.

Now the dilemma is plain as day; there are those who are telling me that if I'm going to be going mental with stress while finishing my Ph.D., I should at least live in outwardly clean, pleasant and bright conditions, even if it means a slow drain on my bank account that will take me well into my overdraft in under a year (I don't expect to be here that long). Conversely, at the grottier place, there would be enough money to pretty things up in my room, get high speed net access, and still have spent less each month that I would at the Shangri-la.

It's a tough fight between choosing to live frugally and living with just a touch of luxury. Though my family can't help me on the money front, they seem to think that I should go for the nicer place - use the money I have saved on something that is worthwhile, if you like, even if that runs down my savings - whereas I, I'm torn between doing that and exercising a little caution for my own longterm wellbeing. It's so very frustrating.

Cough, Help!

A few months ago, my mood was one emotional rollercoaster of ups and downs following the difficult closure of a long term relationship some time before Christmas. That has settled, by and large, though there are latent issues about the whole thing that will probably emerge if (argh, when!) I next become seriously involved with someone. Things these days are relatively stable; I tend towards being content, if not cheerful outright, every time I wake up, and that's a nice feeling, but at the moment it's a fragile state of mind, easily dissolved by the end of each day by the repetitive stresses; work; phone calls; lethargy; lack of sleep; money; the future.

I feel upbeat on the whole, so this is no portrait of despair in the painting, but I am finding that the difference between being stressed and being in distress (and these events are mutually exclusive) is really quite significant in terms of how it affects me on a daily basis.

Breaking up caused acute distress; it was bugger-all-to-hell whilst it was going on, but those difficulties that I perceived in my new situation became manageable after a couple of months. Being stressed, on the other hand, I have found more tricky to entertain; it's a punishing and chronic state that I'm constantly aware of, and do try to heal actively, but the problem is that for as long as the causes of that stress are still extant, I remain susceptible to it if I'm not careful. Irritatingly potent at wearing me down, it leaves me empty, tired, even misanthropic, and all I really want to do is to get past it and feel that smiling at people isn't so tough a thing to do.

In other news, the sun is shining, and I've had ice cream - this smile is genuine.